Rantology

Too much thinking over the past two days. My mind had been over-filled with random statements that I found it hard to concentrate on my thoughts. "Having lunch instead of breakfast can be a torture..." "Too much nicotine, now I'm feeling nauseous..." "UtimateEars® or Shure®?" "Want to go hang out in town but I'm too tired after work..." Thoughts were so loud I constantly hear myself like a marketplace within my skull.

It has been over a month since I stopped my nimetazepam dosage (for some obscure reasons) and I have been depending on my self-motivation for work and off-work. I have absolutely no problem during office hours but I have the tendency to seclude myself during evenings and weekends. The seclusion is not exactly strong-willed, but more preferred as opposed to strolling downtown like I used to. I concluded that this might have been a minor withdrawal symptom and I'm still fighting to overcome this. The demon in me isn't helping much by constantly hollering "... nothing is as interesting anymore without 5."

All these hollering inside my head between the ears got me really irritable and I had, in some occasions, expressed subtly so to people close to me, especially my wife (poor wifey... I'm sorry). However, I'm glad most have unknowingly put up with me, reasoning for me that I'm just stressed out at work. Yes, the work stress might be a factor, but deep inside I know this has been a withdrawal effect.

Nevertheless, I have the logical side of me speaking louder for my own good.

I'm not getting any younger, and if I carry on with dependency on nimetazepam, there will be psychological effects.
I'm now married so I am now carrying responsibility not just to one but two individuals.
I am still hoping to restart some positive monetary savings.
I have a wonderful career path and should not put that to waste.
I have come to realize that life is most bliss when I can fulfill all my commitments without any difficulty.

These thoughts help me sort out my personal differences and try to appreciate a simpler yet cleaner daily routine. I have yet to call myself victor of this battle but I'm also yet to declare myself a loser.