Migration to New Blog Site

Friends,

I have now migrated (yes, again) to a new site for my blogs. The new blog site is called Seraphe.net. You guessed it... it's my personal domain, which I have been holding for the past 2 years and now I'm finally making pages in it. Should have done this a long time ago, but I guess I wasn't trully blogging until recently.

Currently, I am still working on refining the edges and also migrating my old blogs (here as well as my friendster blogs) for archiving. For those who had left precious comments, I won't be migrating them over. If there is any comments you feel strongly for, please post them again. Otherwise, let's start over!

Grey Saturday

It began as a regular Saturday, when I could wake up later than weekdays and had the luxury to enjoy coffee and cigarettes first time in the morning. Sunsun and I then left the car at the shop for servicing and decided to take a walk at Botanical Garden (which is about 5 mins walk away). The weather wasn't too warm so the briss walk was pleasant. It had been a while since I had visited that part of Singapore so my experience was as new as Sunsun's. We were having a great time enjoying the greens and the whole walking session became 2 hours long. We got back to the shop before they closed and went home. We were scheduled to pick my sister Annie up for her vocal class later that afternoon.

Then the moodswing came. My sky became grey for no particular reason. I tried to soothe my nerve with SeraShuffle, but it could only help that much by deafening my ears from the world. I would have to snap the earphones off when someone talks to me. Over the next few hours, my mind gradually became really lazy. I just couldn't be bothered to listen and register what anyone speaks, and I often response with a shrug or a nod.

After Annie finished with her class, we headed to Great World City as planned, for a bit of shopping and dinner. When we got there, I separated myself from Sunsun and Annie, letting them know that I wanted to check out some CDs and will look for them once I'm done. Knowing that they will spend quite a while at clothing stores, I decided to indulge myself with what I'd like to look instead. Before long, I got bored with the CDs I picked to try (which seldom happen in the past!). Giving up on the CDs selction, I tried roaming other stores. I got really bored. There was so many stores in the massive building but not one can hold my attention for more than 5 minutes. Sunsun kept asking if I'm alright, which I constantly reply with affirmation, but unknowingly my facial expression just kept telling her I'm not. Somehow I knew I wasn't bored coz there isn't anything to see, but I'm just too bored to see anything I used to like. I even got bored with music, which I had mentioned I breathe like air. That was totally unimaginable!

And this, was also the start of another domino-cum-rollercoaster ride in my mind. I'm getting more bothered not understanding how I can get bored with what I like, and the more I get bothered I found it harder to engage in what I like. See how it was happening? It's just like worrying on not being able to sleep and ending up not being able to sleep coz of worrying too much. It just rolls itself into the rocky ends of the rollercoaster.

When it came to dinner, I found myself hungry but not having much appetite. When I feel like this, I tend to eat more, which I did. I eat more when I don't know what I felt like eating, and by not recognizing what my taste bud fancy I don't get satisfied with what I eat. I ended up eating more than usual but almost didn't taste anything. What more puzzling is that we had sushi and there's a wider variety of tastes in a sushi meal than anything else. And yet I didn't really taste much!

Sunsun suggested that I might need some professional help on this, after I tried to explained what's going on. She got kind of upset that I wasn't enjoying my day but understands after assuring her it's nothing to do with her. We tried to figure out the cause of all these and found that my job could be a major player in my moodswing. Not just a major player, but a superstar home-run swinger! I think I'm just been pushing myself at work, doing what I don't understand enough to know if I'm enjoying what I do. I believe I am not enjoying my job, coz if I am I wouldn't have been this lost not understand what I do. Deep causal thoughts huh? I thought so too.

This is just one of those post-horrigible-weekdays weekends blues syndrome. I'm bringing my work stress home, which my personaly principle had forbidden initally. I'm thinking too much but I just couldn't help it. I just ended up with lots of rollercoaster rides for the day. Any professional out there? Can anyone tell me if this is a clinical condition?

Job Rant

I’m not quite clear how this Blogger for Word works yet, so I’m giving it a try on my MS Word software. Rant for the day: I’m getting really tired with my job. The team mates I was used to working closely as a team with have been long gone, and I’m now faced with a new team consisting of two colleagues transferred from India, and at the latest my Ms Perfectionist project manager for the merger integration process. I’ve been trying my best to get self-motivated but I’m running out of energy to fuel the motivation. The days are looking longer than ever. It is partially due to the uncertainty of the security of my job once the integration process has crossed to my role in the company. Though if I work hard with supporting the integration, I’m not even sure if I will like the new role they offer, if they do offer a new job. Nevertheless, I am still giving my best (though I must admit it’s not yet my best). Being a strong believer of self-integrity for professionalism, I do not believe in giving up. I will strive until I am told to stop.

My Life Re-Shuffle

This is it! My 1st Anniversary gift from Sunsun. An iPod Shuffle! To many who've known my habit of carrying big bro iPod 4G, this addition would have been thought redundant. "Why an iPod Shuffle when you already got a 20GB one?" If anyone were to know me well enough, he or she would have noticed that I live on music and I'd always have it around anywhere I go. I can roam around cities alone with just music in my ears. I used to roam Manhattan with just my Sony minidisc walkman. Sunsun's choice of this gadget is like a portable oxygen tank to me. She knows the Allen who talks little but breathe music into his own ears. In fact, my iPod fever came at the same time we decided to be together. I got my first iPod 3G in Japan, which is also the same time I 'proposed' to her. I lost that iPod on our Bangkok wedding day, believed to have dropped out of my bag when we were rushing to our hotel suite to prepare for the wedding ceremony. A month later, when passing by a duty free electronic shop at Changi Airport, my newly wedded wife suggested to me that perhaps we could get me a new iPod. She knew that part of me who just couldn't breathe properly without the mobility of an iPod. Now, a year later, this little addition to the family signifies not just our 1st anniversary, but also the first 'bought'-day of my 4G iPod, conveniently known as SeraPod.

Similarly simple in form, the iPod Shuffle seems to sound better than its big brother. Also, it is incredibly light weight. Sizing just slightly larger than a pack of Wrigley gum, this little 0.8 ounce stick differs from its precedents by Sony, Creative and other earlier makers of flash memory MP3 players not just by the simplicity form, but the weight factor is contributed by stripping it of a fancy LCD display and the array of control buttons. With this light weight, one can actually do somersault with an iPod Shuffle. You can never do this with the 4G iPod without feeling the weight of the gadget and consequential hearing of the "THUD!" sound when it hits the ground (not that I plan to breakdance with a Shuffle either... That'd look so odd when watching someone breakdance without music). Also unlike it's big brothers, the hard disk based iPods, it is stripped of the jukebox ability of carrying your entire CD collection with you down to the bare simplicity of just 100 plus songs you need for the day.

Last but not least, I love the variety of accessories and add-ons to customize the look of your own unique iPod Shuffle. Like Threadless.com, the iPod Shuffle also has its open design website selling unique protective sticker site at ShuffleSome.com. I think I'm going to contribute a design or two to the website.

Tree On A Rock

I did it! I created a mini-surprise for Sunsun on our anniversary! While she was flying back on Friday, I managed to get a room at Banyan Tree Bintan for one night stay over Saturday. The purpose was to twine her tension down post the rally-run of domestic responsibilities over the past month. The method, however, was discreet and evasive. Prior to our little anniversary weekends getaway, Sunsun had been bugging me for more details of our Bintan trip, which I had revealed very little to her earlier as my intention of a gift after we get reunited. Though I had mentioned two other resorts, Angsana and Bintan Lagoon, I was still undecided over the previous weekends hence mentions were merely mentions.

"You'd know once we get there," I kept answering her evasively.

I had to make up a little lie to convince her there is a plan yet not as exciting as Banyan Tree. I took up the little truth about Dad owning a room at Angsana Resort & Spa, which is true though I did not exactly arrange for the room. I had to, just to get her to board on a boat and get onto the island. My evading of her querying for information about the place I had planned did make me seemingly suspicious though. She had thought about my reactions when she asked. Even more so after she tried to surprise me with my anniversary gift (which will be in the next story) while I told her that her surprise would be presented upon reaching Bintan island.

Once we alighted the ferry, and were escorted by staff of Banyan Tree (who was also representing Angsana, since Angsana and Banyan Tree are affiliates), I revealed to her in the car about the truth. Again, the method was secretive. I kind of asked her what she thought about the plan, that we were heading to an less exciting place than Banyan Tree. I asked about her opinion of me creating our free annivarsary gift out of Dad's ownership of the room in Angsana. Her responses were neutral, saying that I've grown to be careful with how we spend, etc. etc.. I even asked her if she'd noticed the luggage tag was printed "Banyan Tree" and not "Angsana". It took her a while before she realized why I was grinning away and asking these silly questions. After getting my affirmation nod, she revealed her excitement for about a minute before changing her stance to conceal it back.

"I knew it! I had considered the possibility that we're actually heading to Banyan Tree. I could read it from your face!" Yeah right...

Our stay at Banyan Tree included an afternoon 'enjoying' the pool (ahem) and an evening of BodyScrub+Massage package, followed by a satisfying dinner before retiring for the night (end of story, b&g... go home).

Best part of our stay in such a luxurous place for our annivarsary, is not the luxury of the place. Banyan Tree Bintan is now older than it once already was when I first stayed there 7 years ago. Some of the villas and facilities needed replacement. It was the seclusion that we mainly paid for, as seclusion from urban jungle yet still pampered by the services provided. It was this seclusion that broke us away from our routine life and made us gave the full attention at each other. Though the stay was short, the redundancy of rushing really helped clear our minds from daily stress and rejuvenate our bond for this special day.

Toxic Girl

I seriously think Kings of Convenience is psychic. They have so many songs that I find applicable to my mental words I want to speak. Here's another dedication to our dear friend, Spider...

Toxic Girl by Kings of Convenience


In the sky the birds are pulling rain
In your life the curse has got a name
Makes you lie awake all through the night
That's why

She's intoxicated by herself
Everyday she's seen with someone else
And every night she kisses someone new
Never you

You're waiting in the shadows for a chance
Because you believe at heart that if you can
Show to her what love is all about
She'll change

She'll talk to you with no one else around
But only if you're able to entertain her
The moment conversation stops she's gone
Again

Happy Birthday, Singapore!

I woke up this morning wondering why I'm still in bed instead of being in office at 11am, and it took me 5 seconds before I remembered that today is Singapore's National Day. What a patriot I am? I had wasted the past days of weekends plus a day leave from office doing nothing but watching TV and reading recycled magazines, and only decided to do the weekly housechores today... or at least most of it. For this, I totally forgot anything about making any effort to commemorate the 40th independence anniversary of this country I'm born in.

Now that I'm done with my housechores, getting out of the house is now unlikely. Tired and not wanting to tire myself further for work tomorrow, I find myself a Singaporean not making an effort to be one. But hey, I pay taxes, don't I? That's the least I've been doing so far just like my dad. Turning the TV on to watch the evolution of NDP (National Day Parade) year by year is already considered an honor to the birthday of the nation in my book. I came back to work in Singapore after studying abroad and contribute to the economy here, didn't I? I guess these are enough at my citizen level. Wouldn't mind doing more if I'm invited to.

Anyway, a HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY to SINGAPORE!

Coffee And Cigarettes

Nothing's more satisfying than having coffee and ciggies while watching "Coffee And Cigarettes" first thing on a day off...

I Don't Know What I Can Save You From

Tribute to a 'friend'... Spider
(those from the ASC should know who)

I Don't Know What I Can Save You From by Kings of Convenience

Album Version

Remix Version

You called me after midnight,
must have been three years since we last spoke.
I slowly tried to bring back,
the image of your face from the memories so old.
I tried so hard to follow,
but didn't catch the half of what had gone wrong,
said "I don't know what I can save you from."

I asked you to come over, and within half an hour,
you were at my door.
I had never really known you,
but I realized that the one you were before,
had changed into somebody for whom
I wouldn't mind to put the kettle on.
Still I don't know what I can save you from.

I Always Love You... In My Way

What makes the heart recognize the uniqueness of a person? Was it memories with that person? Or was it what you predict of that person based on these memories? Conveniently both are. Our weakness of the heart that can kill us slowly inside is the one thing that we don't realize could also be our strength to forgive and start over... if only we know when and how to stop, and look again.


"Pieces of April", starring Katie Holmes (remember Dawson's Creek?), is such a memory which most would have just chosen to remember the past and forget the future. A family is a blood-related tie (or sometimes if the water is thicker than blood) where individuals are bounded and bonded by their roles through each's life-long journey. In the world today, where life is defined by the standard of living and the clustering of singular individuals each striving for their individualistic goals, the meaning of family has subtly become simply a form of support for mortality of the next generation. What you do now will be what you get. Any variance would be some generosity of the heart.

So when April spent a whole day preparing a thanksgiving meal for her suburban family, who in turn struggled through memories of her rebellious ways and fear of yet another sad memory of her, these modern family values are questioned. The efforts and the anguish April hung heavily, while running through the day panicking through neighbors for help to get a decent thanksgiving meal, showed clearly that despite her deranging personality she still has her family in heart. Some people are just not the kind to conform, and certainly not the type to allow superficiality of social amenities, but that doesn't mean they don't care. The conformed family values brought down by our forefathers will cast off these deviants, for the sole purpose of preventing the disturbance of the same conformity. So who is to define what deranges and disturbs the social order?

It was a good thing that while most of April's family members backed out after being freaked by her urban neighborhood, her cancer-stricken mom, who was also the center of the family anxiety, became the first to realize that family is not defined by what memories we have of each other but what future we hold for each other. Doubts created by the past can be persisting and hard to erase, but given a little more courage we can give it a chance to create good memories. April's mom, with her love of a mother, overcome her fear and her own despair, finally gave April a chance to make a final good memory of her as a daughter she loves.

** Sniff sniff... this movie made me teared. Makes me think of mom.**

Sweet Yokohama Memory

I MISS MY YOKOHAMA FRIENDS!!! Just thought of these Japan office colleagues this morning when it suddenly occurred to me it's been a year since I bid them farewell. Initial part of the assignment stay was a hard iceberg to break, but when that was crushed I found them really passionate friends. AND I MEAN REALLY CARING FRIENDS! Though there were slight language barrier, they tried their best to make me feel comfy. They frequently invited me for booze closeby after office hours before heading home, even though some of them don't stay closeby (commuting in Japan is no joke...). I really miss these great friends.

I'm right there, in the middle at the furthest end. And YES I'm in the traditional summer Yukata. This was taken during the fireworks party in the office. Best view of the fireworks from the office level. Booze and beautiful fireworks was an experience I'd never thought to be so enjoyable. Really an eye-opener!

Joy Revisited

Two persons who just made my day today:

-isa-: Just chatted with this sister of mine who understands and shares the same perspective of personality development and true friendship. We have exactly the same sentiments on many topics and even gave me sensible advises on how to overcome my rollercoaster ride of life over the past year. Love ya for that, Schweetiee! Come back soon!

PRISC: Another sister who just expressed to me that I'm not forgotten despite my forsaking of our regular catching up. Told me that I've been missed and that really makes my day. I'd try my best to break myself out of seclusion as you suggest, I promise.

For the rest of my dear friends out there, I regret for not catching up as much as I should have. But I can assure you that you're not forgotten. I just have to fight my own demon within, and declare victory on this. Just bear with me eh?

Rantology 2.0

1.0 I'm exhausted at the start of day, due to cross-regional video conference last night until 11pm and part 2 will continue tonight. Will end late again.

2.0 Feeling bad this morning when I found out I was missed out of a gathering with some old friends.

2.1 No one's to be blamed since I'm the one who'd been MIA due to busy work schedule.

3.0 I miss my wifey...

3.1 Worried about her well being. She's going through some stressful moments taking care of mom-in-law in hospital back in Bangkok. Mom-in-law is showing favorism on her brothers over her. The brothers, on the other hand, take her for granted by leaving their sick mom solely in her care.

3.2 I'm losing my respect for her brothers. Sure they can reason that they have their own family to look after, but isn't a mother's health prioritized over happiness of wives and kids? And they're clearly not being considerate towards my plight either. They value their own convenience in balancing work and family life, while my wife was made to fly back and my life is now off balance. So what's good to have two sons living close to you but need a daughter to FLY home to look after you when you get sick? Two brothers and two sister-in-laws make four heads, sixteen limps and forty fingers, yet not one finger is raised to do any more help than my poor wife's whole being flown 900 miles across.

4.0 Have to iron my own shirt tonight... *frown*