wish.bone

Migration to New Blog Site

2005-08-22T12:46:00.000+08:00

Friends,

I have now migrated (yes, again) to a new site for my blogs. The new blog site is called Seraphe.net. You guessed it... it's my personal domain, which I have been holding for the past 2 years and now I'm finally making pages in it. Should have done this a long time ago, but I guess I wasn't trully blogging until recently.

Currently, I am still working on refining the edges and also migrating my old blogs (here as well as my friendster blogs) for archiving. For those who had left precious comments, I won't be migrating them over. If there is any comments you feel strongly for, please post them again. Otherwise, let's start over!

Grey Saturday

2005-08-20T22:01:00.000+08:00

It began as a regular Saturday, when I could wake up later than weekdays and had the luxury to enjoy coffee and cigarettes first time in the morning. Sunsun and I then left the car at the shop for servicing and decided to take a walk at Botanical Garden (which is about 5 mins walk away). The weather wasn't too warm so the briss walk was pleasant. It had been a while since I had visited that part of Singapore so my experience was as new as Sunsun's. We were having a great time enjoying the greens and the whole walking session became 2 hours long. We got back to the shop before they closed and went home. We were scheduled to pick my sister Annie up for her vocal class later that afternoon.

Then the moodswing came. My sky became grey for no particular reason. I tried to soothe my nerve with SeraShuffle, but it could only help that much by deafening my ears from the world. I would have to snap the earphones off when someone talks to me. Over the next few hours, my mind gradually became really lazy. I just couldn't be bothered to listen and register what anyone speaks, and I often response with a shrug or a nod.

After Annie finished with her class, we headed to Great World City as planned, for a bit of shopping and dinner. When we got there, I separated myself from Sunsun and Annie, letting them know that I wanted to check out some CDs and will look for them once I'm done. Knowing that they will spend quite a while at clothing stores, I decided to indulge myself with what I'd like to look instead. Before long, I got bored with the CDs I picked to try (which seldom happen in the past!). Giving up on the CDs selction, I tried roaming other stores. I got really bored. There was so many stores in the massive building but not one can hold my attention for more than 5 minutes. Sunsun kept asking if I'm alright, which I constantly reply with affirmation, but unknowingly my facial expression just kept telling her I'm not. Somehow I knew I wasn't bored coz there isn't anything to see, but I'm just too bored to see anything I used to like. I even got bored with music, which I had mentioned I breathe like air. That was totally unimaginable!

And this, was also the start of another domino-cum-rollercoaster ride in my mind. I'm getting more bothered not understanding how I can get bored with what I like, and the more I get bothered I found it harder to engage in what I like. See how it was happening? It's just like worrying on not being able to sleep and ending up not being able to sleep coz of worrying too much. It just rolls itself into the rocky ends of the rollercoaster.

When it came to dinner, I found myself hungry but not having much appetite. When I feel like this, I tend to eat more, which I did. I eat more when I don't know what I felt like eating, and by not recognizing what my taste bud fancy I don't get satisfied with what I eat. I ended up eating more than usual but almost didn't taste anything. What more puzzling is that we had sushi and there's a wider variety of tastes in a sushi meal than anything else. And yet I didn't really taste much!

Sunsun suggested that I might need some professional help on this, after I tried to explained what's going on. She got kind of upset that I wasn't enjoying my day but understands after assuring her it's nothing to do with her. We tried to figure out the cause of all these and found that my job could be a major player in my moodswing. Not just a major player, but a superstar home-run swinger! I think I'm just been pushing myself at work, doing what I don't understand enough to know if I'm enjoying what I do. I believe I am not enjoying my job, coz if I am I wouldn't have been this lost not understand what I do. Deep causal thoughts huh? I thought so too.

This is just one of those post-horrigible-weekdays weekends blues syndrome. I'm bringing my work stress home, which my personaly principle had forbidden initally. I'm thinking too much but I just couldn't help it. I just ended up with lots of rollercoaster rides for the day. Any professional out there? Can anyone tell me if this is a clinical condition?

Job Rant

2005-08-18T23:00:00.000+08:00

I’m not quite clear how this Blogger for Word works yet, so I’m giving it a try on my MS Word software. Rant for the day: I’m getting really tired with my job. The team mates I was used to working closely as a team with have been long gone, and I’m now faced with a new team consisting of two colleagues transferred from India, and at the latest my Ms Perfectionist project manager for the merger integration process. I’ve been trying my best to get self-motivated but I’m running out of energy to fuel the motivation. The days are looking longer than ever. It is partially due to the uncertainty of the security of my job once the integration process has crossed to my role in the company. Though if I work hard with supporting the integration, I’m not even sure if I will like the new role they offer, if they do offer a new job. Nevertheless, I am still giving my best (though I must admit it’s not yet my best). Being a strong believer of self-integrity for professionalism, I do not believe in giving up. I will strive until I am told to stop.

My Life Re-Shuffle

2005-08-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

This is it! My 1st Anniversary gift from Sunsun. An iPod Shuffle! To many who've known my habit of carrying big bro iPod 4G, this addition would have been thought redundant. "Why an iPod Shuffle when you already got a 20GB one?" If anyone were to know me well enough, he or she would have noticed that I live on music and I'd always have it around anywhere I go. I can roam around cities alone with just music in my ears. I used to roam Manhattan with just my Sony minidisc walkman. Sunsun's choice of this gadget is like a portable oxygen tank to me. She knows the Allen who talks little but breathe music into his own ears. In fact, my iPod fever came at the same time we decided to be together. I got my first iPod 3G in Japan, which is also the same time I 'proposed' to her. I lost that iPod on our Bangkok wedding day, believed to have dropped out of my bag when we were rushing to our hotel suite to prepare for the wedding ceremony. A month later, when passing by a duty free electronic shop at Changi Airport, my newly wedded wife suggested to me that perhaps we could get me a new iPod. She knew that part of me who just couldn't breathe properly without the mobility of an iPod. Now, a year later, this little addition to the family signifies not just our 1st anniversary, but also the first 'bought'-day of my 4G iPod, conveniently known as SeraPod.

Similarly simple in form, the iPod Shuffle seems to sound better than its big brother. Also, it is incredibly light weight. Sizing just slightly larger than a pack of Wrigley gum, this little 0.8 ounce stick differs from its precedents by Sony, Creative and other earlier makers of flash memory MP3 players not just by the simplicity form, but the weight factor is contributed by stripping it of a fancy LCD display and the array of control buttons. With this light weight, one can actually do somersault with an iPod Shuffle. You can never do this with the 4G iPod without feeling the weight of the gadget and consequential hearing of the "THUD!" sound when it hits the ground (not that I plan to breakdance with a Shuffle either... That'd look so odd when watching someone breakdance without music). Also unlike it's big brothers, the hard disk based iPods, it is stripped of the jukebox ability of carrying your entire CD collection with you down to the bare simplicity of just 100 plus songs you need for the day.

Last but not least, I love the variety of accessories and add-ons to customize the look of your own unique iPod Shuffle. Like Threadless.com, the iPod Shuffle also has its open design website selling unique protective sticker site at ShuffleSome.com. I think I'm going to contribute a design or two to the website.

Tree On A Rock

2005-08-16T22:22:00.000+08:00

I did it! I created a mini-surprise for Sunsun on our anniversary! While she was flying back on Friday, I managed to get a room at Banyan Tree Bintan for one night stay over Saturday. The purpose was to twine her tension down post the rally-run of domestic responsibilities over the past month. The method, however, was discreet and evasive. Prior to our little anniversary weekends getaway, Sunsun had been bugging me for more details of our Bintan trip, which I had revealed very little to her earlier as my intention of a gift after we get reunited. Though I had mentioned two other resorts, Angsana and Bintan Lagoon, I was still undecided over the previous weekends hence mentions were merely mentions.

"You'd know once we get there," I kept answering her evasively.

I had to make up a little lie to convince her there is a plan yet not as exciting as Banyan Tree. I took up the little truth about Dad owning a room at Angsana Resort & Spa, which is true though I did not exactly arrange for the room. I had to, just to get her to board on a boat and get onto the island. My evading of her querying for information about the place I had planned did make me seemingly suspicious though. She had thought about my reactions when she asked. Even more so after she tried to surprise me with my anniversary gift (which will be in the next story) while I told her that her surprise would be presented upon reaching Bintan island.

Once we alighted the ferry, and were escorted by staff of Banyan Tree (who was also representing Angsana, since Angsana and Banyan Tree are affiliates), I revealed to her in the car about the truth. Again, the method was secretive. I kind of asked her what she thought about the plan, that we were heading to an less exciting place than Banyan Tree. I asked about her opinion of me creating our free annivarsary gift out of Dad's ownership of the room in Angsana. Her responses were neutral, saying that I've grown to be careful with how we spend, etc. etc.. I even asked her if she'd noticed the luggage tag was printed "Banyan Tree" and not "Angsana". It took her a while before she realized why I was grinning away and asking these silly questions. After getting my affirmation nod, she revealed her excitement for about a minute before changing her stance to conceal it back.

"I knew it! I had considered the possibility that we're actually heading to Banyan Tree. I could read it from your face!" Yeah right...

Our stay at Banyan Tree included an afternoon 'enjoying' the pool (ahem) and an evening of BodyScrub+Massage package, followed by a satisfying dinner before retiring for the night (end of story, b&g... go home).

Best part of our stay in such a luxurous place for our annivarsary, is not the luxury of the place. Banyan Tree Bintan is now older than it once already was when I first stayed there 7 years ago. Some of the villas and facilities needed replacement. It was the seclusion that we mainly paid for, as seclusion from urban jungle yet still pampered by the services provided. It was this seclusion that broke us away from our routine life and made us gave the full attention at each other. Though the stay was short, the redundancy of rushing really helped clear our minds from daily stress and rejuvenate our bond for this special day.

Toxic Girl

2005-08-10T13:22:00.000+08:00

I seriously think Kings of Convenience is psychic. They have so many songs that I find applicable to my mental words I want to speak. Here's another dedication to our dear friend, Spider...

Toxic Girl by Kings of Convenience

In the sky the birds are pulling rain
In your life the curse has got a name
Makes you lie awake all through the night
That's why

She's intoxicated by herself
Everyday she's seen with someone else
And every night she kisses someone new
Never you

You're waiting in the shadows for a chance
Because you believe at heart that if you can
Show to her what love is all about
She'll change

She'll talk to you with no one else around
But only if you're able to entertain her
The moment conversation stops she's gone
Again

Happy Birthday, Singapore!

2005-08-09T19:02:00.000+08:00

I woke up this morning wondering why I'm still in bed instead of being in office at 11am, and it took me 5 seconds before I remembered that today is Singapore's National Day. What a patriot I am? I had wasted the past days of weekends plus a day leave from office doing nothing but watching TV and reading recycled magazines, and only decided to do the weekly housechores today... or at least most of it. For this, I totally forgot anything about making any effort to commemorate the 40th independence anniversary of this country I'm born in.

Now that I'm done with my housechores, getting out of the house is now unlikely. Tired and not wanting to tire myself further for work tomorrow, I find myself a Singaporean not making an effort to be one. But hey, I pay taxes, don't I? That's the least I've been doing so far just like my dad. Turning the TV on to watch the evolution of NDP (National Day Parade) year by year is already considered an honor to the birthday of the nation in my book. I came back to work in Singapore after studying abroad and contribute to the economy here, didn't I? I guess these are enough at my citizen level. Wouldn't mind doing more if I'm invited to.

Anyway, a HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY to SINGAPORE!

Coffee And Cigarettes

2005-08-08T15:58:00.000+08:00

Nothing's more satisfying than having coffee and ciggies while watching "Coffee And Cigarettes" first thing on a day off...

I Don't Know What I Can Save You From

2005-08-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

Tribute to a 'friend'... Spider
(those from the ASC should know who)

I Don't Know What I Can Save You From by Kings of Convenience

Album Version
Remix Version

You called me after midnight,
must have been three years since we last spoke.
I slowly tried to bring back,
the image of your face from the memories so old.
I tried so hard to follow,
but didn't catch the half of what had gone wrong,
said "I don't know what I can save you from."

I asked you to come over, and within half an hour,
you were at my door.
I had never really known you,
but I realized that the one you were before,
had changed into somebody for whom
I wouldn't mind to put the kettle on.
Still I don't know what I can save you from.

I Always Love You... In My Way

2005-08-07T11:40:00.000+08:00

What makes the heart recognize the uniqueness of a person? Was it memories with that person? Or was it what you predict of that person based on these memories? Conveniently both are. Our weakness of the heart that can kill us slowly inside is the one thing that we don't realize could also be our strength to forgive and start over... if only we know when and how to stop, and look again.

"Pieces of April", starring Katie Holmes (remember Dawson's Creek?), is such a memory which most would have just chosen to remember the past and forget the future. A family is a blood-related tie (or sometimes if the water is thicker than blood) where individuals are bounded and bonded by their roles through each's life-long journey. In the world today, where life is defined by the standard of living and the clustering of singular individuals each striving for their individualistic goals, the meaning of family has subtly become simply a form of support for mortality of the next generation. What you do now will be what you get. Any variance would be some generosity of the heart.

So when April spent a whole day preparing a thanksgiving meal for her suburban family, who in turn struggled through memories of her rebellious ways and fear of yet another sad memory of her, these modern family values are questioned. The efforts and the anguish April hung heavily, while running through the day panicking through neighbors for help to get a decent thanksgiving meal, showed clearly that despite her deranging personality she still has her family in heart. Some people are just not the kind to conform, and certainly not the type to allow superficiality of social amenities, but that doesn't mean they don't care. The conformed family values brought down by our forefathers will cast off these deviants, for the sole purpose of preventing the disturbance of the same conformity. So who is to define what deranges and disturbs the social order?

It was a good thing that while most of April's family members backed out after being freaked by her urban neighborhood, her cancer-stricken mom, who was also the center of the family anxiety, became the first to realize that family is not defined by what memories we have of each other but what future we hold for each other. Doubts created by the past can be persisting and hard to erase, but given a little more courage we can give it a chance to create good memories. April's mom, with her love of a mother, overcome her fear and her own despair, finally gave April a chance to make a final good memory of her as a daughter she loves.

** Sniff sniff... this movie made me teared. Makes me think of mom.**

Sweet Yokohama Memory

2005-08-06T11:26:00.000+08:00

I MISS MY YOKOHAMA FRIENDS!!! Just thought of these Japan office colleagues this morning when it suddenly occurred to me it's been a year since I bid them farewell. Initial part of the assignment stay was a hard iceberg to break, but when that was crushed I found them really passionate friends. AND I MEAN REALLY CARING FRIENDS! Though there were slight language barrier, they tried their best to make me feel comfy. They frequently invited me for booze closeby after office hours before heading home, even though some of them don't stay closeby (commuting in Japan is no joke...). I really miss these great friends.

I'm right there, in the middle at the furthest end. And YES I'm in the traditional summer Yukata. This was taken during the fireworks party in the office. Best view of the fireworks from the office level. Booze and beautiful fireworks was an experience I'd never thought to be so enjoyable. Really an eye-opener!

Joy Revisited

2005-08-03T12:54:00.000+08:00

Two persons who just made my day today:

-isa-: Just chatted with this sister of mine who understands and shares the same perspective of personality development and true friendship. We have exactly the same sentiments on many topics and even gave me sensible advises on how to overcome my rollercoaster ride of life over the past year. Love ya for that, Schweetiee! Come back soon!

PRISC: Another sister who just expressed to me that I'm not forgotten despite my forsaking of our regular catching up. Told me that I've been missed and that really makes my day. I'd try my best to break myself out of seclusion as you suggest, I promise.

For the rest of my dear friends out there, I regret for not catching up as much as I should have. But I can assure you that you're not forgotten. I just have to fight my own demon within, and declare victory on this. Just bear with me eh?

Rantology 2.0

2005-08-02T13:10:00.000+08:00

1.0 I'm exhausted at the start of day, due to cross-regional video conference last night until 11pm and part 2 will continue tonight. Will end late again.

2.0 Feeling bad this morning when I found out I was missed out of a gathering with some old friends.

2.1 No one's to be blamed since I'm the one who'd been MIA due to busy work schedule.

3.0 I miss my wifey...

3.1 Worried about her well being. She's going through some stressful moments taking care of mom-in-law in hospital back in Bangkok. Mom-in-law is showing favorism on her brothers over her. The brothers, on the other hand, take her for granted by leaving their sick mom solely in her care.

3.2 I'm losing my respect for her brothers. Sure they can reason that they have their own family to look after, but isn't a mother's health prioritized over happiness of wives and kids? And they're clearly not being considerate towards my plight either. They value their own convenience in balancing work and family life, while my wife was made to fly back and my life is now off balance. So what's good to have two sons living close to you but need a daughter to FLY home to look after you when you get sick? Two brothers and two sister-in-laws make four heads, sixteen limps and forty fingers, yet not one finger is raised to do any more help than my poor wife's whole being flown 900 miles across.

4.0 Have to iron my own shirt tonight... *frown*

Toys: Roscoe

2005-07-30T23:26:00.000+08:00

Now what're in these cases? Totally suspicious...

Unknowingly, the interiors hold tools of destruction...

Assembly #1

Assembly #2

Ready for destruction...

Hahaha! Can't destroy shitz when they're the size of a Zippo lighter.

Chicane Candies

2005-07-28T22:27:00.000+08:00

Just browsed through my storage and found these Chicane promotional for their "behind the sun" gig held in Boston in 1998-1999. These are priceless collectible items and I'd hide them somehwere back in my storage so by the next time I find them they will be priceless relic. (Don't worry they're really candies and not obscurely packaged illicit substances.)
(Anyone out there knows/remembers who Chicane is?)

Refreshing Cooler Aid

2005-07-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

Warning! Not suitable for under 18 drinking age reader. (Yeah right, like most underage drinkers would even bother...)

This is my cooler aid for the evening, after a long day of work. I'm usually not a big fan of alcohol. I don't drink beer (unlike most of my high school cakes) and I was more into hard whiskey but now I've outgrown that. So I'm now mellowed down to a light wine cooler and those breezer bottled cocktails.你怕黑嗎?
Dark and Refreshing! Thirst Quenching! And great for virility!
Yes! This is non other than my chillout beverage...
GUINNESS STOUT!
I was once caught sneaking a can of Guinness at the age of 10 watching MTV in the living room late at night, thinking that everyone else should have fallen asleep. While I was feeling relaxed enjoying the incomprehensible graphics of the MTV program, my dad popped up behind me and gave me a shock! "I'm definitely dead for now... " I thought.

On the contrary, my dad being a man hoping to watch him son grow up not ending up a nerd in the real world, told me "Boy, don't be afraid. I'm not angry of you drinking. In fact, I strongly encourage you to start building your alcoholic tolerance from now. You're just about the age to start this training." I was totally stunned when I heard that. "The catch is: you will have to restrict yourself to only one can per week... no more. After a while, you can progress slowly to get your body system get adjusted to alcohol consumption. This way, you'd be building your alcohol tolerance eventually. You will need this to establish yourself in the business world."

Flabbergasted, I was speechless for mintues. I would NEVER expect this positive reaction from my dad. From then on, he's the coolest dad in my eyes. Though he's still old fashion in his lifestyle, he's totally open up to the change of the generations. I love him for that. He's now someone I feel more comfortable confiding to as a friend

Rantology

2005-07-28T15:09:00.000+08:00

Too much thinking over the past two days. My mind had been over-filled with random statements that I found it hard to concentrate on my thoughts. "Having lunch instead of breakfast can be a torture..." "Too much nicotine, now I'm feeling nauseous..." "UtimateEars® or Shure®?" "Want to go hang out in town but I'm too tired after work..." Thoughts were so loud I constantly hear myself like a marketplace within my skull.

It has been over a month since I stopped my nimetazepam dosage (for some obscure reasons) and I have been depending on my self-motivation for work and off-work. I have absolutely no problem during office hours but I have the tendency to seclude myself during evenings and weekends. The seclusion is not exactly strong-willed, but more preferred as opposed to strolling downtown like I used to. I concluded that this might have been a minor withdrawal symptom and I'm still fighting to overcome this. The demon in me isn't helping much by constantly hollering "... nothing is as interesting anymore without 5."

All these hollering inside my head between the ears got me really irritable and I had, in some occasions, expressed subtly so to people close to me, especially my wife (poor wifey... I'm sorry). However, I'm glad most have unknowingly put up with me, reasoning for me that I'm just stressed out at work. Yes, the work stress might be a factor, but deep inside I know this has been a withdrawal effect.

Nevertheless, I have the logical side of me speaking louder for my own good.

I'm not getting any younger, and if I carry on with dependency on nimetazepam, there will be psychological effects.
I'm now married so I am now carrying responsibility not just to one but two individuals.
I am still hoping to restart some positive monetary savings.
I have a wonderful career path and should not put that to waste.
I have come to realize that life is most bliss when I can fulfill all my commitments without any difficulty.

These thoughts help me sort out my personal differences and try to appreciate a simpler yet cleaner daily routine. I have yet to call myself victor of this battle but I'm also yet to declare myself a loser.

Sensuality and Sensibility

2005-07-26T17:34:00.000+08:00

Desire, it is said, is the root of all evil. But desire has been the prime motivating force for most actions of man through all times, be it conquest or love or revenge or even penance. To what extent can man satisfy his desires? Is there a limitation to desire? What can cure one infested with the desire disease?

Devayani, the daughter of Shukracharya, the preceptor of the Daityas, was companion to the daughters of Vrishaparva, the king of the Daityas. One day, they were in the woods playing in a pool when a strong wind blew their clothes into a bundle.

Mistakenly, princess Sarmishta wore Devayani's clothes to which the latter remarked: How can a disciple's daughter wear the clothes of the master's daughter?

Sarmishta, angered by these words, retorted: Are you not the daughter of a beggar to whom my father doles out liberally?

Though Devayani had not meant to hurt Sarmishta and did everything to placate her, the princess got more and more infuriated until at last she slapped Devayani and pushed her into a dry well and left with her sisters. Some time later, she was rescued by a young king, Yayati by name. Though not the practice for a Brahmana woman to marry a Kshatriya, Devayani insisted that she marry Yayati, as he had held her right hand. Shukracharya had to give her in marriage to the king.

Moreover, Devayani reasoned with her father that Sarmishta was wrong in calling him a beggar and, to make amends, made her father talk to Vrishaparva into sending Sarmishta with her as her maid. Vrishaparva, hitherto unaware of the happenings, was appalled at the thought of incurring his preceptor's curse and made his daughter humbly follow Devayani.

In the days that followed, Yayati and Sarmishta grew close and they married secretly. Soon, however, Devayani came in knowledge of this and went weeping to Shukracharya. The sage cursed the king: You shall lose your youth and become prematurely old!

Yayati, terrified, begged of the sage to withdraw the curse. The sage, considering that Yayati was his own son-in-law, said: A curse once uttered cannot be revoked. However, you shall regain your youth if someone else takes upon himself your old age.

Thus a prematurely old Yayati ruled for sometime but his yearning for sensual pleasures had not abated. His only hope were his five young sons whom he called one by one, and asked of them if they were willing to take upon themselves the wretched old age, the reward being the crown. The first four princes declined but the fifth son, Puru by name, said: Father, it would be of great pleasure for me to make you happy!

Thus Puru turned old and ruled the kingdom while Yayati enjoyed all the pleasures of life. Not satisfied, he went to the kingdom of Kubera and indulged in the senses. After several years, Yayati realised that not all the indulgence could ever satisfy the senses any more than fire is put out by pouring ghee over it. He then returned to his kingdom and took back the old age from Puru.

Yayati ruled the kingdom wisely and Puru, whose descendents were to be the players in the great Mahabharata, was the heir to the throne.

This is a story written by an Indian writer Yamuna Harshavardhana. Yamuna, a multifaceted woman, is an engineer by profession and a writer by choice, and wields the pen with passion and power. She was born in Chennai and spent her childhood there.

What exactly is evil in such desire? Evil is a state of mind which human intelligence has associated with the negative nature of being. Man has somewhat rounded off from the history of mankind all states of destruction, natural or artificial, as products of an intangible and gave it the name 'evil'. The notion of evil, therefore, is a creation of sensibility. Sensibility on the engagement of rationalizing reasons for tragedies, based on logical explanations and intuition. When we can't explain why a man can develop the tendency to destroy another man, we call him evil. When a terrorist threat is poised on a social establishment, we blame it on evil. Similarly, when a terrorist looks for a reason to command destructive acts, he finds only the reason to destroy evil. War is not a new phenomenon. Civilizations have been built and destroyed over a declaration of being evil. So what gives man the authority to call another evil? Though most ethnical/social groups have the same concept of good and evil, there are many grey areas which many have believed strongly in. 'Sensibility' is in itself a sensitive tool and we should be careful before we define this subjective notion.

Within the communities we live in, we find our laws written to prevent criminal acts, mainly involving behaviors of an individual resulting in harm to another. Murder, manslaughter and assault are deliberate acts of harm onto others. Theft, robbery and other greed-driven crimes are schemed acts to achieve personal gains at the expense of others. Another type of criminal activities protected by most legal systems are the street vices. Prostitution, drug trafficking and gambling are some common vices that do not deliberately cause harm to any individual (less some by-product criminal activities like loan-sharking, abduction and blackmailing) but are seen as the roots of many evil intentions hence are restricted.

These are precisely the kind of legally-sensitive activities that man has, based on his sensibility, associated with the notion of 'evil'. Vices that are not by direct intention malevolence in nature, but are mere indulgence in the sensual derivation of pleasure. Prostitution is in itself a service with the trade of the flesh. Drugs are products of human intelligence discovered to stimulate or opiate our senses. Even gambling is in itself simply a game involving eye perceptions and logical challenges. These activities are only different and are deemed evil when money are involved. Can we condone the existence of money and review the ethical value of street vices? Money is the very powerful evidence for human intelligence over other living beings and an icon of civilization. It would be hard to deny the meaning of money. Logically speaking then, these vices, sprouting from our sensual desires as a cause or result, are evil.

Biologically speaking, sensual desires are but only momentary. They involve flicks of nervous systems worked by chemical and electric pulses. We only think and feel the sensual pleasure because our brain built by our genetic codes recognizes pleasure. When our mind welcomes the pleasurable sensation experienced (usually in conjunction with the preceding fantasy or mental euphoric experiences on the spot), we desire more of. On the contrary, if a person's senses are to be constantly subjected to such pleasure, the pleasure receptors in our nervous system will be conditioned to perceive pleasure as norm. It is like a tolerance that our body can naturally build upon such conditioning that we may not feel the same level of pleasure over time. Even worse, addiction can happen and deprivation of the sensual pleasure can become unbearable.

Concluding the Cleaning Day

2005-07-25T20:42:00.000+08:00

It's almost 9pm now. I have most of the chore list items done (yes, most.. not all).

~~1. Sweep and mop the floor (alright these two I'd do... breezely)~~ DONE
2. Wash the bedsheets/~~quilt (I think I should do this, they're starting to smell after 2 weeks)~~ DONE only the quilt. I'd need to continue another time. There is no more space for the large bedsheets to dry.
~~3. Dishes (not much of this to do since I've been washing everyday)~~ DONE
~~4. Wash kitchen top (erm... I think I should clear off the grease before they get stuck there for good)~~ This seem to be the hardest part, but done.
~~5. Grocery (if I want breakfast for the next few days I should,~~ plus need to get Reg's supply for YK to bring to Korea) I forgot to bring the shopping list for Reg so I'd get it tomorrow.

And to add to the list, I'd need to do another thing: Ironing my shirts for work.

For all these, I've come to realize how much Sunsun has done during the days when I was simply busy at work. Yes I do help out with dishes and cleaning the toilets over weekends, but sweeping and mopping the floors, plus cleaning the kitchen are the pain in the neck. Come back soon, dearie wife.

(She has asked me to book her ticket to return in time for our anniversary, which is in two weeks! YAY!)

Forsaken Friend

2005-07-25T14:35:00.000+08:00

Oh I forgot to mention that I bumped into Dave yesterday when I was out getting dinner. He was smiling (or smirking) when he first say me and the first words he uttered were "Where have you been ar?". I know I have been an MIA friend to many of my mates whom I had been hanging out quite a bit before I got married last year. I have no excuse. I'm sorry but these mates are somewhat my 'party' mates whom I have nothing much to say to except the usual weekends 'where's the party' routine. I was invited by another friend to Zouk over the weekends but I have no interest whatsoever. It just isn't my kind of cake anymore. I'm very much comfortable staying home over saturday nights. I guess I'm just getting old...

Or the other reaon I don't feel like partying anymore, according to my memory, is that I'm depressed. The more depressed I am, the less interest I have in exciting events. Is that contradicting?

Cleaning Day

2005-07-25T13:07:00.000+08:00

I'm taking a day off work, with the courtesy of my immediate manager, who's also having the day off holidaying in Hong Kong. Not exactly going to be a day to simply slouch back and laze the day away, my day is lined with a list of house chores to do. (I'd promised my wife to do during her absence...)

1. Sweep and mop the floor (alright these two I'd do... breezely)
2. Wash the bedsheets/quilt (I think I should do this, they're starting to smell after 2 weeks)
3. Dishes (not much of this to do since I've been washing everyday)
4. Wash kitchen top (erm... I think I should clear off the grease before they get stuck there for good)
5. Grocery (if I want breakfast for the next few days I should, plus need to get Reg's supply for YK to bring to Korea)

So yes, that's the list. And what am I still here blogging? Well, I'm just feeling a lil guilty for not adding anything on my blog since last week (when was that? 18th?). The reason why I hadn't is mainly due to my discovery of an interesting blog originating from Kuching, Malaysia by the name of SixthSeal.com. This blogger has somewhat been documenting everything in his life from few years back. Experiences of drug uses seem to be the main highlight of his blogs, since I doubt anyone else would have the guts to do it like him. Not only did he accounts the experiences for each kind of chemical used, he'd also posted pictures and videos. I must emphasize that this guy has guts, though I know some of this behavior is driven by gusts of depression and self-seclusion anxiety. He's a classic case of a 'bedroom junkie'. Anyone here in Singapore would have called him a madman attempting suicidal surrender to the authority by keeping these accounts while living in a small town like Kuching. I'd salute him for being true to himself. Yes, his blogs are seemingly crude in reality and that makes it entertaining to real (just like a reality TV show), but I do hope he will someday kill his addiction before the authority has to do it for him. God bless, Huai Bin.

Alright. I should really get started with my cleaning. I'd probably be back after I'm done with all, most likely in the evening.

Grass Over The Other Side...

2005-07-18T22:50:00.000+08:00

A friend dropped by office today while on transit from Melbourne back to his assignment in Korea. David spent the day in our Singapore office, having too much time in hand after his presentation scheduled this afternoon for the president had being cancelled. David is a nice and frank bloke, maybe a little too frank for his good when he speaks his mind too liberally in some asian communities. His directness got himself into lots of trouble in Korea when Koreans don't appreciate his sense of humor, especially after they literally translated from the English dictionary the words used in his Australian jokes.

"I'm here to distrub you, Allen," he warned me first thing in the morning when we exchanged hello. And that he did. Once in an hour or half he came behind and called out "ALLEN~!" by straining his voice pitch-tip while trying to mimic how our boss Zafer would have sounded when he calls from his office. At other times he would tell me over the messenger how bored he is. Do your work, David, or I'd inform Zafer of your boredom.

"It's no fun. So hard...," he went on and on during lunch and dinner. He was expressing his dread in returning to Korea tonight. From his adventures/misadventures in Korea he shared, it seems that his encounters with the Koreans have not been pleasant. He had a really hard time trying to convince the Koreans what he asked for really need to be done. "Somehow when asked of the progress, they'd just say they do not know how to do." Perfect excuse. I have a feeling his instructions just weren't taken seriously. Somehow the laungague barrier wasn't the main problem.

He also kept reminding me how he loves Singapore, that he wants to stay here and look for a job if he's out of job in the next few months. "I want to meet someone, and she's definitely not going to be white." Uh-oh, another yellow-fever in the making.

This guy have had a bad experience in his marriage. Being only 28, he's already separated with his wife, leaving him only an ugly truth that his wife ran away with another guy. Too hard for a nice honest chap like David. In fact, this is leaving him driving hard to work himself up back to shape, thanks to inspiration of our mutual friend Chris. More importantly, it has left him with shattered hopes for relationship with someone from back home.

"Coming to Singapore has opened up my eyes, that nice girls who are true to themselves really exist. Think I married too young..."

Now why is this all so familiar? I have heard of real SPGs (Sarong Party Girls) who prefer white guys for good reasons. Previously, my immediate impression of white guys in the company of SPGs will be rich and tall expats, living in company-sponsored service apartments around Orchard area and drive luxury sports car they call 'toys'. However, it just daunted to me that a guy of David's profile fits right in the common criteria of most SPGs in reality. Outspoken, confident and kind, a person like David can easily catch the attention of westernized asia women in Singapore, particularly those who are brought up deep in the east-west fusioned mentality and exposed to the new global standard of relationships. Unlike most asian guys who carry a tad too much egoism in themselves, a simple caucasian guy like David can open the confident shell to reveal a gentle core, so gentle that his words can swoon females up into their romantic cloud 9.

Now this is what came to mind when David was expressing his praises for Singapore. This guy is clearly intriged by asian community here when he was shown so much attention being a white guy. Somehow Korean didn't seem too appealling to him. They must have been rather unapproachable during his previous stay of 3 months.

"They're all so friendly here. I know it's just that I'm white, but I like it." You just can't disagree on this when a guy actually enjoys the attention. Homo sapiens are all attention-seeking creatures, and we'd just die trying to get it one way or another. No-one can survive without contact of another living being. I hope David will not fall for the wrong girl here who might dope him for his money. Take care, David, my dear friend. Hope you will eventually find someone who will be as true to you as she is to herself.

iGuy is Taking Over the World!

2005-07-16T13:55:00.000+08:00

Came across this gimmick out of the Apple iPod craze. Though I'm an iPod-user, I can't get over the fact that there's a religion for an overpriced piece of gadget. And now they're going to bring these little machine alive?! Some frankenstein has given it arms and legs... and even BUTTS too! What can these little entertainers do with limps? Soon we'd find them crawling for your wallet at night. Apple shook the world with these little jukeboxes in our hand, and now they are literally taking over the world with this? What's next? Some sick addon to the music jukebox to make it talk?! This is crazy!

The Simplest Things

2005-07-14T18:45:00.000+08:00

Most people would be happily blogging with simplest thoughts. How envious! When I start writing my own, it tends to get too complex to read, even for myself. I would die for a day to find something simple to post on my blog, but I'm always ending up not liking it and end its short-lived occupation in the posting box by the click of the "x".

Ok, I've just told myself to write something simple. To do this, I've to think simple. "Ohmmmmm..." Nope. That only helps my mind go BLANK. Let's see what I have for the day. Something notable. Something out of the ordinary. Nothing. Craving for the day: none. Something to look forward to: none. Favorite TV show today: none. Book to read: none (perhaps I should). New movie out on DVD: none. It seems I'm now trying too hard to find something to write. The harder I try, the harder anything gets out. Darn. Writer's block. The minute I stop with everything else and starts typing on the keyboard, I could only think of two things: music and colors. I guess that's how minimalistic my life is... or how 'minimal' it is. I don't agree. I have no complain about the simplicity of the everyday life. Work and I appreciate daily achievements. Home and I enjoy relaxing. I don't crave for food. I eat to live. If I enjoy my rituals, it's not minimal.

Music brings colors to my mind, while the visuals bring music to my eyes. I know this might sound a lil like some messed up sensory system, but I have no better ways to describe how I perceive visual and auditory receptions. I hear the notes and the beats, my mind feels the blue of the sky and the bright light from the sun. When the rhythm gets catchy, there will be midget Boba Fetts with enlarged heads dancing around a light bulb. Similarly, when I'm enjoying visuals, the illustrations sing their songs of their life story to me.

Nuke the Dukes!

2005-07-01T18:15:00.000+08:00

Step 1. Tie these balloons to your car
Step 2. Drive like a bat out of hell... hit 160 km/h
Step 3. Watch people freak out.
Step 4. When stopped by the TP, tell them you thought they were for real.

Strife for Life

2005-06-30T16:57:00.000+08:00

5:00pm and I'm staring at my Friendster.com windows. For the first time in months, I'm actually bored at work not for the things I have to do but for the things I don't have to do. That's how things are for me when I return from a trip or block leave. Furthermore, my manager's actually back in India coz his wife is due to deliver his 2nd child soon. There's no one to bother me... I'm getting the 'Post-Holidays Blues'!

While watching how some younger friends in Friendster.com write and post pics of themselves seemingly carefree reminds me of myself when I was in Boston. School days are always only remembered, very much like the 'I was in the Army' sweet memories when the hard reality of MONEY hadn't exactly kicked in. Yes, we were poor and luxurous indulgence were out of reach, but at least we did not have to look gloomly into days ahead not knowing what to look forward to. College days were the days when I could look forward eagerly to the next B-grade horror movies rented from Blockbuster, the 'Part 2's of Christmas parties, the pub performance by Suede, and not forgetting to mention the endless days of CounterStriking after exams. The days were full of booze, chemistry experiments and waking up 3pm in the afternoon for walks in the parks.

Sound familar? Yes I would assume them 'distantly familiar' for most, if not just some 'I know that one...' memories. Sometimes I wish I could join these youngsters with their up-and-coming successes in career out of the concept of 'play', with trash-can musicians turning recording artistes and street grafitti artists designing Nike and appearals earning big bucks. However, when I looked back into my path, I reckon I wouldn't be who I am today if I had taken any different route.

Riches are not those with thick stacks of bucks in his hand, but are those who knows what to make of the thin stack they have...

Made in Thailand...

2005-06-29T12:20:00.000+08:00

Just got back from yet another visit to my in-laws in Bangkok. Nothing out of the ordinary, really, except for more observations of body languages of a different culture. Verbal language-wise, I'm still as lost as an Alaskan visiting Egypt, hence all the more I noted body languages when surrounded by strange tongues of Thai-speaking locals for 5 days.

Thai's behave very much more oriental than other IndoChina culture (perhaps except Vietnam) and their young trends root from a mix of Hong Kong/Japanese with tints of western subcultures. Only difference is the scarce of bodily contact except perhaps with parents. BGL couples are often oddly seen walking side by side, with almost no contact at all except for occasional brushings of their hands. For someone like me who's used to seeing deep smooching even when moving up an escalator at Orchard MRT Station, catching a glimpse in the street of Bangkok of a couple holding hands stood out in the massive crowd (only to find this pair a young farang couple). Even my wife alerted me to her embarressment when I tried to give her a peck on the cheek, only to be brushed off like a flikering bug beside her ear. The 'prim and proper' culture of the Thai simply don't encourage physical contacts... at least not in the open public.

When their language contain the same nasal qualities of Cantonese, Thai conversations are usually very high-pitched. This is especially noticeable when listening to male voices vocalizing strong emotions through raising of voices in conversations, such as those ending with the vulgarities of "Ai-HEE-ya"... Try imagine the ladies of the gentle voices pitching that.

Did much of our house supplies of toiletaries at Central Mall when the topic of P&G came to my mind. Little had I noticed that when work at P&G or Gillette may seem boring, consumer product companies really earn a hell lot from consumers around the world, most of whom don't realize they are actually patronizing one single corporation at most times. Counting down the toiletaries we got from the mall, I noted 90% of the 21 items bought were from P&G or Gillette. Once merged, the new organization would be behaving like a brand monopoly. Fair? Not exactly otherwise but not unnatural either.

Saturnight

2004-12-18T20:36:00.000+08:00

... the supposed 1st night of the week of the subterraneal lives (Frinights as last of the week) and most morphogenetic creatures emerge from their much feigned identities. Gone are the hours of labor for ephemeral sustenance, now is the time for an etheral rejuvanation of the subliminal well-being...

No I'm not blabbering about the church or any occult practices for that matter. With most of the material world today heavily depedent on the ability to generate the spending power, much of the mental well-being are neglected. Nightlife is one of the good ways (traditionally and culturally proven) to uplift the much dampen spirit from the week of mental stress, yet my ideology of de-stress is to be a kid again. Not in the sense of behaving like one, but to think like one. The simple setting of spontaneous goals and experiencing the thrills of achieving them.

My Experimental Mixes

2004-12-18T11:03:00.000+08:00

Developmental, virginal & personal... This is my virgin attempt on Cubase SX to put together an extended version of the original as appeared in "Don't Look Now" by Way Out West. Nick Warren and Jody Wisternoff might not be happy for illegally adapting their track without IP permit, but I'd then again I'm not selling this so...

My other mixes:

Titled "GDMFSOB" in James Lavelle's GU album, I took the track, broke it apart and mixed it with an abstract of another U.N.K.L.E. song...